CHAPTER 8 Loan Wolves & Int es & Interest Rates — Surviving the Mort ving the Mortgage Saf age Safari Without Getting Mauled So you’ve decided to buy a home—congratulations! You’ve bravely crossed into a magical world of property taxes, closing costs, and something called “escrow” (which sounds like a medieval sword-fighting technique but is, sadly, much less exciting). If you’ve been renting up to now, buckle up. Buying a home isn’t just about choosing granite countertops and arguing over open- concept floorplans. It’s also about picking the right mortgage—and trust me, that part? That’s where the real drama lives. Mortgages: More Than Just a Fancy Word for "Big Loan" Unless you’ve just sold a tech startup or discovered buried treasure in your backyard, you’re probably going to need a mortgage. And here’s the thing: Shopping for a home without shopping for a loan is like buying a new car and letting the dealership pick your financing terms based on your haircut and a vibe check. Don’t do that. Instead, you need to treat this like the matchmaking process it is: swipe left on terrible terms, ask the hard questions, and find a lender you wouldn’t mind seeing every month for the next 15 to 30 years.
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