Sebastian Brévart - MOVING ON: AN EXPERT’S GUIDE TO SELLING YOUR HOME DURING A DIVORCE

MOVING ON: AN EXPERT’S GUIDE TO SELLING Y O SELLING YOUR HOME DURING A DIVORCE

Sebastian Brévart

Table Of Contents

Moving On

Semper Paratus

Marital Settlement Agreement

The 80/20 Rule

Relating The 80/20 Rule To Home Selling

Creating Curb Appeal

Staging For Results

Upgrade With ROI In Mind

The Three D's

10. Exploring Value

11. Common Seller Mistakes

12. Avoiding Costly Mistakes

13. Finding Buyers

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14. Be A Power Negotiator

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15. The Dos And Don'ts Of Negotiation

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16. Leverage & Bargaining Chips

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17. Serious Considerations

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18. Ending Thoughts

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Testimonials & Reviews for Sebastian Here’s a list of people whom I have helped buy or sell a home, and what they said about working with me: - Sebastian is absolutely wonderful to work with. He was extremely helpful, open, reliable, and honest throughout the whole process of buying our home. He truly cares for his clients and it is like having a friend who is on the “inside” that is working for you to get you the best results possible. Highly recommend his services.

Ashley (Morton, Pa)

-Sebastian is by far the best realtor I have ever worked with. His professionalism, attention to detail, and commitment to achieving the clients goals are amazing. I will continue to work with Sebastian in the future and would highly recommend him to anyone who is looking to develop a close working relationship with someone who genuinely cares.

Ray (Malvern, Pa)

-Sebastian Brévart is knowledgeable and hardworking! He also makes you feel like you’re his only client and he gives you his undivided attention. I sold and bought properties with him and never had a doubt that he had my best interests at heart! He is the best!

Jacqulyn (Newtown Square, Pa)

-Sebastian is by far, the best realtor I have ever worked with. Sebastian is honest and extremely knowledgeable about the market and selling process. Sebastian’s guidance on prepping my house for sale was spot on and paid off with a quick sale (a few days) and multiple offers above asking price. Sebastian was always available for questions (day or night) and kept me informed throughout the entire process. Sebastian made selling my home easy and stress free. I have recommended Sebastian to my friends and family and will be using Sebastian for my next home purchase. You are in excellent hands with Sebastian.

Jeff (Garnet Valley, Pa)

-I recently sold a property and I was very happy to have Sebastian in my corner. If you’re looking for someone with a lot of connections and experience with the hustle of buying and selling homes, have a conversation with Sebastian. He handled everything from getting painters into our property, photographers, and more. The sale went smoothly and I really couldn’t have asked for more. Thank you!

Chris (West Chester, Pa)

-Sebastian is a brilliant realtor. He was very professional and a pleasure to work with. He knows the industry inside and out and works tirelessly to make sure you get the best deal possible. His background in psychology definitely helps him to work effectively with all types of people. I would use his services again and again if I could. We couldn’t be happier with our selling experience with Sebastian!

Lauren (Media, Pa)

*If you are interested in reading additional testimonials by my many satisfied past clients, please visit my Google Business page where you can read more than sixty "5-Star" reviews.

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Foreword Let me preface this book by stating that I am not an attorney, nor do I have any legal expertise when it comes to family law. While I have helped many divorcing couples successfully navigate selling the family home as part of a divorce, any questions regarding the legality of your separation or divorce within the scope of the law, should be directed to your attorney. I am not qualified to give legal advice, nor would it be legal for me to do so. However, as a former child and family therapist, I add value in that I do have an in-depth understanding of how to help couples eventually see eye to eye and work toward a common goal. When it comes to the sale of your home, I will advise you as best I can within the scope of my professional expertise, but all legal questions should always be directed to your attorney. Events in our lives happen for a reason, and in many ways shape the people we become for better or worse. You’re not reading this book by accident--there is never smoke without fire, and there is no effect without cause. In the same vein, it is also by no accident that I have chosen to build a significant portion of my real estate business around working with family attorneys and assisting them with clients like you, and families like yours. In difficult and almost always emotionally charged situations like separation and divorce, I consider it my responsibility and my duty to ensure you have the absolute best representation possible when it comes to a real estate professional. I have always held myself to the highest possible standards with respect to ethics, integrity, confidentiality, and take great pride in my “family- centric approach” when selling a home pursuant to divorce. I will share some personal things, and hopefully demonstrate why working with clients like you has become so important to me over the years. I’ve never been a particularly smooth talker, but I'd like to believe my organic delivery is a true reflection of the ix

genuineness I endeavor to bring to every transaction I am involved in. The bottom line is that with me, what you see is what you get--nothing is rehearsed and I treat every case with its uniqueness in mind, one of the many reasons I love this work. I never sugarcoat the hard conversations, and will always tell you directly what I believe to be in your best interest. At times this has resulted in me losing a listing because I've found a potentially better scenario for my client, where they can keep the home, rather than sell it. This mindset is what has allowed me to build a solid base of repeat clients, many whom have now become lifelong friends that trust me because they know I will always put their well being before my own. I've decided to share my expertise in one place with potential clients, and that’s why you’re receiving this book. I want to help you have the best possible home-selling experience. And by that, I mean I want you to 1. Get the most money possible for your home, 2. Sell in the least amount of time, and 3. Avoid the headaches most commonly associated with the home-selling process when you are already in the middle of untangling a mess of unimaginable proportions. Think of this book as my gift to you. It contains insider advice on the home-selling process to help you achieve your ultimate real estate goals, including: • My secret strategies to sell your home for more money • Psychological marketing that drives buyers to your home • How to use psychology to your advantage in negotiations • Advice on how to appeal to today’s buyers • And much, much more If, after reading through it, you wish to hire me to help you sell your home, I’d be more than happy to meet with you to discuss a specific plan and strategies. If not, at the very least I hope you

are able to take away a few key ideas that might make the process a bit less stressful and emotionally draining. Onward.

Who is Sebastian Brévart? A European by birth, I was born in 1980 in Germany to a mother from England and a father from Morocco. Shortly after we emigrated to the states and moved to West Philadelphia. My father got a job at University of Pennsylvania that paid him $18,000 a year, and my mother worked two days a week as an editor for Penn’s alumni magazine. My father had a barbaric upbringing, and was raised by parents that believed fear, intimidation, and physical discipline were the best methods of educating children, whether justified or not. These values made their way down to my and my younger brother's upbringing as well, resulting in childhoods spent living in a state of perpetual siege. Despite this, the silver lining was that it helped both of us recognize the fundamental flaws in his parenting style, and eventually break the cycle with our own families and partners. We watched our father lose everything when his marriage fell apart as a result of his actions, and it was these events that transpired during our formative years that revealed a clear path to avoid. When I was 9, we left Philadelphia for the suburbs after a shooting occurred at the end of our block, and my parents finally had enough. Moving didn’t solve the financial problems, because we were still essentially the poorest family in the area, but it did provide opportunity. On my first snow day off from school, I was given $5 for shoveling the driveway. Afterwards, instead of enjoying the day with friends, I went out and found work, shoveling neighbor's driveways and sidewalks, returning a little after dark with just under $200. My father was in disbelief, told my mother he thought this was far too much for a kid my age to have earned, and promptly confiscated it. My mother later went through the neighborhood and verified that I had in fact earned it, and I was then allowed to keep it. The caveat to this was that it was stored in a small red box, secured in my father's

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office in the bottom drawer of his filing cabinets. The process of obtaining my money from this box was always wrought with arguments, so my timing for withdrawals needed to be perfectly planned to ensure the "branch manager" wasn't present at my bank. My mother was my dad’s 3rd marriage, and it, too, eventually ended in a nasty divorce my sophomore year of high school. The infidelity and poor treatment of my mother and us finally proved to be too much for her. Prior to this I’d had the good fortune of being introduced to a guidance counselor, Jeff, that followed me from middle school through graduation. This man was instrumental in my life, and got me out of that house, placing me with friend’s families, sometimes for weeks at a time when things got too bad. When my parents divorced in 1994, I moved out with my mother, and life got better. Fortunately, with Jeff's guidance and some self-discipline, I was able to stay on track, despite my home life. I never turned to drugs or made other poor choices, rather, I channeled all that frustration and internal conflict into trying to make positive changes, and improve myself however I could. I began lifting weights almost obsessively, one of the few things I felt I could control at age 14, and this subsequently became a passion that has remained to this day. I also began playing football, which I did through college, as I pursued the only career I could ever have envisioned myself in at the time, a school guidance counselor. During this time I also developed a fascination with the ocean, bodyboarding and surfing, specifically big waves and their immense power, which influenced the next stage of my life. I finished my undergrad at Ursinus and went on to do a Masters in Education and Clinical Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. Unable to find a school counselor position, I took a job at Joseph J. Peters Institute in Philadelphia as a psychotherapist with families, sexually abused kids, and the offenders. As one might imagine, this kind of work has a high burnout rate, and one evening after conducting therapy with a

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40-year-old man, that, through an unspeakable act had caused serious physical injury to a child, I had enough and quit. Between this job and bartending nights, I was able to buy my first townhouse at age 22, and when it sold, it also finally provided me with the means to pursue my passion for big waves on the main global stage for surfing, on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. Six months later, I bought my first property there, sight unseen, after finally landing a guidance counseling job in 2004. There’s a saying, “an institution that will go to the ends of the earth for its employees will find it can hire them for one tenth the cost of locals”. Guidance counseling in Hawaii was no exception, but it did afford me the opportunity to help many children in similar situations to mine, to get involved with Big Brothers and Sisters of Hawaii, and also to pursue the big wave surfing I’d grown to love. Hawaii is an expensive place, and living on a guidance counselor's salary was nearly impossible, so in 2005 I got my real estate license. I ended up helping many friends, coworkers, and military buy and sell homes, often being one of the top producing agents at my company. I bought two more houses there over the next three years, but when the market turned in 2007, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I invested all my savings with my fast talking broker, who at the time was like a brother to me, but who stole that money, just as the market collapsed. I’d bought another house at this point, and rather than give up, I converted my garage to a bedroom and rented it out, worked a variety of jobs, from sales at Marriott to sales at T-Mobile, making $11 an hour. Feeling totally hopeless, I reached out to my then real estate mentor, Gloria, who was, and still is like a second mother to me. She informed me that her son, Carlos, had built a successful auto detailing business in Orange County, and I should consider this. At her advice, I flew to Pittsburgh to learn auto detailing at Detail King, and made two other connections that have remained key in my business to this day. I

returned to the islands and built my first business, Good Guys Auto Detail, and got to work. After several years I managed to create a reliable source of income, and at the recommendation of my 64-year-old window tinter, I flew to Houston, learned how to spray truck bedliners and industrial coatings, and opened Armadillo Bedliners out of a tent in a self-storage parking lot. In year one I sprayed 31 trucks, wearing nothing but board shorts, a tank top, and flip flops. I often left the lot after 12+ hour days, covered in black like a chimney sweep. One evening after work I’d gone to the local 7-11 and was sitting on the curb outside, enjoying the warm evening air and a sports drink. A girl walked by, and, thinking I was homeless, handed me a dollar! I don’t know why but at that moment I decided it was time to open a real storefront with a real name. Three months later I opened Hawaii Spray Lining, LLC. In 2014 we sprayed 388 vehicles, and put two of our three competitors on the island out of business. This also led me to create Liquid Floor Hawaii, which focused more on industrial coatings, and with that we worked on projects like The Honolulu Rail, Monsanto Fumigation Chambers, car dealerships, several fisheries, secondary containment fields, and more. My former partner that I ended up selling the business to in 2020 even ended up spraying the floors of both movie theaters at Pearl Harbor to the tune of several hundred thousand dollars—in retrospect maybe I should have kept a hand in that business! I’d met my son’s mother at this point, and our relationship was rocky from the start. As the differences grew, rather than parting ways, we did what every couple with problems seems to do, and got pregnant. After our son was born, the arguments intensified, and in a last-ditch effort, we decided it was in our son's best interest to move to Pennsylvania, where there would hopefully be less transience, and more opportunity for her job. I started a similar coating company here, that failed after two years, and then when I tried to start a bathtub refinishing company, I

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nearly went into anaphylactic shock from an allergic reaction to the acrylic paint. It felt as if I just couldn’t win. So, after swearing I’d never do anything with real estate again, I reluctantly obtained my Pa license, and eventually found a way to redefine my purpose within the industry. Although we were never married, we went through an extremely contentious custody battle that lasted just under three years, but in the end, I was awarded 50% custody, my biggest victory to date. That attorney changed my life, and we have since become the best of friends. I was at my very lowest, and he helped me get my life and family back. Now, I consider myself fortunate in that I help facilitate this same path for others. This is why this work is so meaningful to me. I can relate as you navigate one of the most difficult and painful times in your life--from coping with problems in my family as a kid growing up and fighting to overcome them, to the problems with a partner when a child is involved. I help separating couples re-focus on common goals and self- improvement that gets their lives back on track. When they need me, I respond, whether it’s 12am or 12pm—I once had a 3-hour conversation with a client that started at midnight, but it’s what he needed at the time, so I was there, as I will be for you. I meet people at what is arguably their lowest point, and pride myself on helping them see eye to eye, focus on the positive and on rebuilding their confidence, oftentimes from the ground up. I always tell people I love what I do because this type of sales allows me to continue to work in a capacity where I’m helping families, and feel like I’m making a difference. In my mind, the potential for making lifelong friends along the way is a welcomed bonus. You have no idea how resilient you can be until you are truly put to the test, and believe me, no matter how crushed and hopeless you might feel today , things will get better. I attribute the majority of my success to taking a personal interest in my clients and business partners, as I believe genuine, selfless, human interaction comes at a premium these days.

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Sadly, I've found that disingenuous attitudes are especially prevalent in sales, with the majority of salespeople appearing to be concerned only with their bottom line, rather than the well- being of those they serve. As such, I've made it an ongoing mission of mine to try and improve the caliber and quality of personal connection in the real estate industry. Through this approach, many of my clients remain dear friends to this day. Today, as an Associate Broker/Realtor® and top producing agent at my company, I give you my word that if you if you end up hiring me, I will work tirelessly for you as I have for countless others. In a way, this work allows me to repay a debt to many who have done the same for me and have been integral in forming the man I am today. I hope you enjoy my book.

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CHAPTER 1 Moving On

Divorce is not easy, nor is it a laughing matter. I didn’t write this book to give you false hope that the process will be smooth, nor to make it sound like I have some type of magical solution for you, because I don't. I’m just promising to give it to you straight and let you know what to expect. Even the most amicable separations are plagued with disappointment, lack of communication, and failed expectations. In a best-case scenario, two people who are dissolving their union will work together to resolve their differences productively and part ways, hopefully without drawing blood. The stark reality of divorce, separation, or any other failed relationship is that there is never smoke without fire. So, with that in mind, be cognizant of the fact that you, too, played a role in creating the situation you've found yourself in. And while in the interim it may be comforting to focus on all of your partner's shortcomings, the sooner you learn to accept your own faults, acknowledge your own hand in the matter, and subsequently accept a reasonable level of responsibility, the sooner you will find yourself absolved and on the path to greater things. As Confucius once said, “no matter where you go, there you are”. With a good plan and a commitment to sticking to it, we can work together to ensure that your compass now points in the right direction. During the process your and your spouse's emotions will fall prey to a myriad of changes as the marriage, family, and shares assets are legally separated. Things usually get worse before they get better, and if you try to view things through this lens, you will find yourself less disappointed. Adding to the stress is the sale of the family home, which is typically the largest asset of the marriage. This is going to be a 2

hard situation no matter how you slice it—it can and will evoke tremendous emotion: sadness, anger, and disappointment, to name a few. The combination of the stresses of the divorce with the sale of the family home requires patience, diligence, and great personal fortitude. With the help of seasoned, experienced professionals that understand the complexities and nuances of the situations -- such as your attorney, and myself as a real estate agent well versed in the psychology of couples and families, with years of professional practice in the field -- we can help you successfully navigate this challenging phase of your life, and move on to a fresh start and brighter future. The phrase, "and this, too, shall pass" has long been a source of comfort for many throughout history including Abraham Lincoln, and many others. It's a simple phrase, but one worth keeping in mind, so be stoic. Are your partner’s lies are destroying your life? Perhaps, but they’re eventually going to feel the consequences as well. Does your soon to be ex engage you more than a seasoned MMA fighter? Only until the final bell. Do you feel like your kids hate you because no matter how badly your ex behaves, you take the high road and still defend them? Continue to take the high road, every time you do you’re putting coins into an emotional investment account that will reap dividends with your children in the future. The most important thing to remember is that, no matter how bad "it" gets, it will eventually pass, and time will numb you and heal the open wounds. The divorce will become final. The house will sell. The children will adapt because they always do, and life will go on. This is where your personal fortitude will pave the way for you and those that depend on you. Decisions regarding the family home are not only emotional, but mired in legal maneuvers and decisions as well. Divorce laws vary from state to state, so your licensed legal counsel is your best source of information on how to protect both parties' interests. Many questions arise when trying to sell your home

during a divorce. What needs to be done to ensure a quick and profitable sale? Who will choose the Realtor? When is the best time to list a home? Who bears the financial responsibilities of the sale? You can proactively allay your fears and clear up misconceptions by doing your due diligence and researching what to expect throughout the selling process. That’s why I’m here, to hopefully shed some light and offer insight into the thousands of questions that are dominating your every waking moment. Every divorce has a unique set of circumstances. This book is not intended to be a legal guide or to dispense legal advice, but rather to provide you with a source of information regarding the sale of your marital real property. Knowledge is power, and by familiarizing yourself with some real estate terminology and options, you will gain a better understanding of your situation and confidence in that, indeed, "this too shall pass". Let’s dive in. Some states are known as "community property" states and others are defined as "equitable distribution" states. Community property States follow the rule that all assets acquired during the marriage are considered "community property". There are nine community property States: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. Alaska is an opt-in community property state that gives parties the option of making their property community property. The remaining 41 States follow the laws of equitable distribution, which means property acquired will be divided between the spouses in a fair and equitable manner. The court determines who receives what based upon a variety of factors, such as the relative earning contributions of the spouses. In community property states, on the other hand, all income and assets earned or acquired during the marriage are considered to be equally owned. This applies to all debts, no matter who created the liability. In a divorce action, these will be

divided equally. In addition, there are mutual court orders that automatically protect marital properties. An automatic temporary restraining order prohibits spouses from selling, transferring, or borrowing against property when a divorce is filed, so no, your ex shouldn't use your joint home equity line to wine and dine his girlfriend. But to be 100% certain, any orders should be discussed with your attorney, as this protection varies from state to state. The family home is typically a couple's most valuable joint asset and must often be sold in order to equally distribute its value between the two spouses. Therefore, it is vital for you to understand the relationship and differences between a mortgage deed and a property title. Mortgages are conditional legal agreements made for the purpose of buying a property/home. The lenders security interest is on record when the title is registered. The mortgagee (lender) may obtain a foreclosure order to take possession if payments of the debt are in default, so make sure you continue to pay your mortgage unless your attorney specifically advises you not to! A property title refers to ownership of that property and the right to use it. A person on the title can transfer ownership to another party but cannot transfer more than he or she owns, thankfully. Some divorcing couples utilize a quitclaim deed, which simply transfers ownership from one spouse to another, but it does not transfer financial responsibility. One spouse may transfer title of the home to the other and consider him or her free from the financial responsibility of the mortgage payment, but this is not the case. The loan payments are the responsibility of the parties on the mortgage, so NEVER agree to give up title to your home unless you are also going to be absolved of the mortgage responsibility. In order to change the names on the mortgage, one spouse must obtain financing with which to buy out the other, in other words, they must "refinance" the loan for this to be done properly.

All discussions regarding mortgages, quitclaim deeds, and title of property should be conducted with your attorney. The intent of this book is to provide information regarding the sale of your home within the framework of a divorce; it is not intended to provide legal counsel or advice.

CHAPTER 2 Semper Paratus

The United States Coast Guard's motto is "Semper Paratus", which is Latin for, "Always Prepared". In a divorce, you need to be prepared for anything. All the usual tricks and tactics your ex has used on you in the past will rear their ugly heads again, along with a variety of new, "unwelcomed guests". Step one in successfully handling the disposition of the family home in a divorce is to have a clear understanding of your financial standing. Knowing your precise financial situation throughout the emotional turmoil of divorce will keep you from making snap decisions that could severely impact your financial position. In difficult situations like these, it is essential to delay the momentary gratification that often comes with giving your ex a piece of your mind. In situations like these where finances are involved, emotional impulsivity will be your ruination. It is crucial to know who bears legal financial responsibility for making the mortgage payments. If both spouses are listed on the mortgage agreement, they are equally obligated to the lender, whether or not their name is listed on the property title. Removing a party from a property title does not relieve the financial obligation of that party. Two signatures on the mortgage means two responsible parties. This also includes the homeowner’s insurance policy. It is important to know who is the beneficiary and if both parties are insured, so a few well placed phone calls to your trusted providers will go a long way in giving you essential information to share with your attorney and real estate professional. These, however, are the only two parties that should be kept fully, "in the know" for the duration of the process.

For the previously stated reasons, it is critical that you collect and immediately provide to your lawyer all information regarding your home insurance, property taxes and liens, mortgage and marital debts, and marital assets. The more prepared you are to face your financial future, the more secure you will be moving forward. Knowing where every dollar has to go will help you make better decisions and avoid adding undue additional stress to the already uncertain future that accompanies divorce. Knowing where you stand financially also greatly influences your decision to keep, sell, or buy out the family home. There are many considerations for each option, and they all require a significant amount of due diligence, financial planning, and difficult decisions. Affordability and objective forethought are the keys to your decision-making process. Poor decisions can affect you and your former spouse, long after the divorce is finalized.

KEEPING THE HOUSE

When divorcing couples have school-age children, they often decide to allow one spouse to remain in the home to avoid disrupting the children’s routine, school attendance, and social relationships. This can be accomplished with written agreements between the spouses. Equitably allocating home expenses and mortgage payments by percentages or mutually agreeing on the delegation of financial responsibility will allow your family to focus on what matters most: the children. A clear-cut, signed agreement drawn up by a mediator or attorney will help avoid contention surrounding responsibility for the maintenance, expenses, and future sale of the family home, whether it be to the spouse who remains in residence or an outside buyer. This is why it is important to know your financial position and how much each spouse can contribute. If

one spouse fails to make their share of payments, it can adversely affect both parties’ credit ratings and complicate the later sale of the home, and especially a refinance or subsequent purchase. If each spouse has provided appropriate evidence that they have sufficient resources to maintain this type of arrangement and is willing to participate in the agreement, this may be the right path. Some couples choose to reside in the home as roommates for different reasons. It might be that neither spouse is able to afford both their share of the home and a new residence, or it could be to decrease the abruptness and difficulty of the children’s transition. If, later, one leaves, that person will have increased financial obligations in finding a new place to live, so give serious thought before choosing this option. Be aware, though, that some spouses are tied to the home, not only by their children but by their own emotional investment. The house represents stability and a happier time, and provides shelter from the trauma of divorce. In keeping it, they may feel more in control of their situation. Some may think that keeping the home makes them the “winner,” despite the financial hardship it can bring. It is difficult enough to deal with divorce without later learning that unforeseen or unbudgeted expenses have crept in and taken a big bite of already tight finances. Be realistic about what is affordable. Another very important consideration to factor in that is often an afterthought, is that keeping the marital house does not guarantee that your children will decide to live with you, nor does it necessarily give you an upper hand. One thing we forget is that kids are like water, and historically will take the path of least resistance in efforts to maintain homeostasis. They don't care about your $10,000 quartzite countertops, or the designer window treatments that you enjoy looking at daily. Kids, and especially older kids, want their routines to remain the same with respect to school and their friends, and would potentially welcome the opportunity to start fresh in a new home. What I've found over the years is that

younger kids don't pay as much attention to their surroundings as they do having their regular needs met. Can they still play on their tablet? Are the toys they enjoy still available? Can Mom or Dad still take them out to eat at their favorite restaurants? If keeping the family home independently is going to put you in any type of financial duress, don't keep it. Coming off a divorce, you want to minimize your financial responsibility, simplify your life, and streamline your obligations. Why? So you can focus on being there as a pillar of emotional support for your children, but more importantly, because you will need to rebuild yourself, and will need time and money to do it.

SELLING THE HOUSE

For most couples going through a divorce, selling the house is the best solution. Selling a home under any circumstances takes a great deal of time and effort, so the addition of the emotional stress of divorce can make the task overwhelming. Ultimately though, unless you have one of the unusual 100% amicable situations, chances are that you will be better off severing all financial ties from the person who drove you to a point where divorce became the only viable solution

LEGALITIES

The termination of a marriage requires the division of real property, among other things. Marital property belongs to both parties, regardless of whose name is on the title, and each party is entitled to their equitable share. Some couples have a legal agreement beforehand, often called a pre-nuptial agreement, which provides a simple solution to property division. If you don't have one of these, don't worry, most couples don't, there are other avenues to pursue justice. Some couples are able to use mediation to divide assets, but others are unsuccessful in negotiating equitable terms and must turn to the courts to rule on the division of their real property. Again, this book is in no

way a substitute for professional legal advice. Always consult your attorney regarding the division of real property. Many couples enter into a mortgage based upon the expectation of a two-salary income that generates enough money to cover the monthly mortgage payment, upkeep, utilities, and unexpected repair. It may be that neither spouse is in a financial position to singularly carry the full financial burden, and neither may be in a position to buy out the other. One of the best ways to determine is this speak directly with a mortgage lender and see what the numbers look like. Then make an informed decision as to whether it makes sense. Preventing default on the mortgage is the most common reason divorcing couples choose to sell the family home. Monies budgeted for the upkeep of the home, property taxes, home insurance, home security, and house payments may or may not still be available when couples split. Couples who sell their homes before divorce have the advantage of the capital gains tax exclusion of $500,000. A divorced person selling a home receives 50% of the tax break. There are other tax benefits available when substantial equity growth has occurred over years of owning a home. These are best discussed with your lawyer or tax professional to ensure you make financially sound decisions about when to sell your home. These professionals have seen divorce situations countless times in the past, and will often be able to offer expert guidance based upon history. As always though, your attorney should be your main point of guidance, and every action that will create an "unknown" subsequent reaction can and should be discussed with them first.

THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF SELLING YOUR HOME

If the marital home has been the hub of happiness and family life, it may turn out to be a constant reminder of what once was and is no more. The good memories the home represents are now tainted by the unhappiness and pain of divorce. No matter how strong sentimental value may be, often the best option is to sell

the house and move on. That way, both spouses get some money to make a clean break and start fresh. Once you’ve decided to sell, there is a long “to-do” list — a list that is difficult under the best of circumstances and only made more difficult with the added emotion of divorce. As humans, we have a way of justifying emotional decisions, and this is your worst enemy at a time like this. You may find yourself thinking back to past holidays, sitting around the table with the family on Thanksgiving, with laughter and football on in background. We tend to gravitate towards focusing on the positive memories and omitting the negative-- this is part of how we are wired as humans and our brain's constant efforts to maintain equilibrium and avoid drifting into negative territory. Sure, that Thanksgiving was a dream during the day, but think back to later on that evening when you were cleaning up and things escalated into a big argument, like always. Learn from history and give yourself a fair chance by looking back on your memories from the outside in, and then revisit your assessment of how the memory really transpired.

LIABILITY

The liability of keeping a home may be the best reason to sell. There are various ways to keep a house with one spouse remaining and the other departing, but they all carry risks and challenges. An equity buyout occurs when one spouse keeps the asset, and, in exchange, compensates the other for his or her share of the equity. This person has been disappointing you to a high enough extent that you both found divorce was your only option. Do you really want to be tied to this same person, knowing they can now manipulate you financially as well? It rarely ends well.

THE BUYOUT

If one spouse is in a financial position to remain in the home, it may be easier to buy out the other’s share of the property, which

would entail refinancing the home. The real challenges come in working out the details. There could be disagreement about the selling price or the appraisal value. Or, the equitable division of the property may not meet expectations. Other questions that arise include the possibility of giving up marital property rights in exchange for other assets, like investments. The ex-spouse may lose out on future appreciation of the house. It is crucial to know that questions like these will arise when it comes to the division of property in a buyout situation and that you have to be prepared to address them. If after consulting with an attorney you find that a refinance is your best option, make sure you hire an appraiser. They will give you an objective value on your home's worth that neither party will be able to argue. This is not something that should be determined by speaking with a neighbor and getting their opinion. As a real estate that specializes in divorce and separation, I create CMA's (comparative market analyses) for my clients all the time, and offer this service for FREE, unlike the $500-$700 a typical appraisal company will charge. While my CMA will give you a range of what the property is likely worth, it is important to note that an appraiser should be able to provide an exact figure, as this is their field of expertise. Unlike Realtors, they have undergone the proper training to determine a property's exact dollar value through a variety of methods. Refinancing the home in one spouse’s name means not only settling the previous loan but paying the selling spouse their portion of the buyout. As an example, if the principal balance owed is $100,000, and there’s another $100,000 in equity, one- half of the equity ($50,000) would be due the selling spouse, and $100,000 would be required to pay off the principal. The refinanced loan would have to be at least $150,000. If the house value has appreciated, who is entitled to the equity? What if the property is appraised lower than the current loan? All scenarios must be considered before deciding on a buyout. Again, knowing your financial standing, and strategizing with a trusted family attorney before filing for a divorce is paramount. Remember,

semper paratus .

CO-OWNERSHIP

If you or your spouse want to keep the house and buy out the other, but need time before this can be accomplished, co- ownership is a possibility. However, maintaining a clear channel of communication with the ex-spouse is a major part of co- ownership and one of the most difficult to achieve because it requires a lot of mutual trust, something that is typically lacking in most divorce scenarios. If there were lies before, remember, there will be more lies than ever, now. The goal is to move forward, so any concessions made between the spouses benefit not only both parties but especially the kids. Maintaining a civil, business-like relationship in front of your children will help them maintain stability and keep them from moving away from their home, when they’re already adjusting to a lot of change. If one of the spouses can occupy the home with the children and make the mortgage payments until they can manage a buyout and become the sole owner, it’s a win- win. The drawback to this type of arrangement is the negative consequences if the spouse in residence defaults on mortgage payments. Both parties are still responsible, and missed payments will affect both spouse’s credit scores. The less joint responsibility you have with your soon to be ex, the better. Life has pushed you apart for good reason, listen to those reasons and never expect your ex-partner to be better to you in a divorce than they were previously. Moving forward with a new life can be tricky in a co-ownership agreement because consistent communication is necessary, and that isn’t always (or even usually) easy for divorced couples. House payments, insurance premiums, utilities, and necessary repairs are guaranteed financial obligations. What if the utilities are shut off due to nonpayment? What if the home heating and

air-conditioning system terminally fails? What if you moved two hours away and your ex-wife needs you to help with a fallen tree because she can’t afford to pay someone to dispose of it? What if the resident spouse has to move out because s/he cannot afford to stay? What if the resident ex-spouse files bankruptcy and risks losing the house? These are all very real possibilities, not to mention, you will be living somewhere as well, with all of your own financial obligations that go hand in hand with a new living situation. The last thing you may need is to be financially tied to a person you now want out of your life, and a house you will not be living in, nor have any physical control over. Co-ownership must be considered carefully, and a knowledgeable attorney dedicated to protecting your family’s well-being will be your best source for guidance on the complexities that may arise. An agreement can be created to address all the obligations mentioned previously and protect both parties at the same time, but this is a rarity as opposed to the norm. No matter the option you choose, the mortgage must still be paid. Selling is the only alternative if neither of the spouses can afford the home on a single income. A short sale is possible if the home is going into foreclosure. You can come to an agreement with your lender to sell the home for less than is owed. Divorcing couples with good credit may find more favor with their mortgagee to obtain permission for a short sale, but this should be viewed as a last resort. Walking away from your home and mortgage is not tolerated by the courts. The lender will add to the complications of your divorce by taking legal action to receive the remaining balance. You can find yourself in court if you or your spouse is uncooperative or is demonstrating an obstructionist attitude, which will cost more time and more money. Many divorcing

couples end up using up what equity they had in their marital property on legal and court fees. Refusing to sign papers to sell the home or refusing to help pay for the mortgage will give a judge no other option than to order the home sold on the court’s terms through action for partition. Ultimately, it's in both of your interests to cooperate with respect to liquidation of joint real property, as it will greatly aid financially in covering the unavoidable expenses related to divorce. When a divorce action is filed, an automatic temporary restraining order can be issued to prevent spouses from selling or borrowing against marital property. Discuss this option with your lawyer to make sure your stake in the marital property is protected. Less than one-third of divorces end up in court due to disagreements over property division, but if you’re in that unfortunate one-third, going to trial doubles the cost of the divorce. An average divorce costs $11,000 if settled out of court. That amount will at least double if you have to go to court for resolution, which will take a serious bite out of your home’s equity. I've seen divorces cost as little as $3,000 if both parties can agree to move forward and closer to 30 to 50 times that if things get ugly. It's just like a wedding, you can get a marriage license in a courthouse for a few hundred dollars, or you can Bridezilla or Groomzilla your way into a couple hundred-thousand-dollar hole--all with the same outcome of course. You will truly be the architect of your own success or demise, so listen to your attorney's advice, follow the roadmap they provide, and exercise common sense when deciding what path you want to take. Many divorcing couples who want to limit legal fees as much as possible, as well as the time it takes to settle, choose to sell their home. Surveys show that couples who resolved their property issues without court intervention completed the divorce in under a year. Those who could not agree and went to trial had to wait an average of 15 to 16 months. Some states require divorces to be resolved within a year, but dockets are full in most states (can

you believe you're not the only couple with problems?), and that causes long wait times for a divorce trial. While you’re waiting for the trial date, the mortgage still has to be paid, as well as utilities, insurance, and property taxes. I liken divorce to a huge tangled ball of Christmas lights--it seems like an insurmountable task at first. But the sooner you stop allowing yourself to keep feeling hopeless and focus on a solution, the sooner you will begin to dig your way out. You'll untangle a small knot, then a bigger one, the rope of lights will get longer and longer until finally, you've done it! Now all that's left is the easy part: staple the lights to the frozen roof without falling off the ladder, and remember, when one goes out, they all go out... It's very rare that a divorce comes without multiple hiccups, so it's essential to stay as positive as possible. To reiterate, you are going to need to rebuild yourself emotionally, but will also have to ensure you are in the right place mentally to continue at your job, and support your kid(s) through the challenging complex internal states they will undoubtedly be experiencing. I like to use the example of the airline safety policy: " In the event there is a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be deployed from the compartment above your seat. If you are traveling with a minor, be sure to secure your own mask before doing so for your child ". The reason they instruct you to do this is that if you are rendered incapacitated, how can you possibly care for your child? While right now, death by asphyxiation may seem like a more viable option than dealing with your ex, be sure to make time to focus on yourself first, and you will be in a far better mental state to be the adult your child needs at this difficult juncture. The rest of this book will expand upon the benefits of marital agreements that help sell the home, the importance of having realistic expectations regarding the value of your home, and how

choosing a Realtor® who has experience working with divorcing couples may be your greatest asset in the sale of your home. Conversely, selecting an agent for this highly specialized and delicate task for no reason other than they are a "family friend", will most likely be one of the worst and most costly mistakes you'll ever make.

CHAPTER 3 Marital Settlement Agreement eement

One of the most productive methods for couples to move forward with a divorce and on with their lives is to disconnect emotionally and handle the sale of the home in a businesslike manner. Because the marital home is usually the greatest asset in a marriage, it is also the greatest liability. You must give a lot of serious thought to securing settlement terms that protect both parties, especially the spouse who is departing the home. When you enter into your marital settlement agreement, your lawyer should specify who is financially responsible for the mortgage, the homeowners insurance, utilities, and upkeep of the marital home. If the spouse occupying the marital home is responsible for listing, showing, and selling the home, the other spouse may be obligated to pay part or all of the mortgage, as well as contribute to the upkeep of the home. If the occupying spouse shows little effort in getting the house sold, the marital agreement should provide a timetable for the sale of the home. I have several templates I have designed and tested to accommodate a variety of situations, depending on urgency. Always check with your attorney and be sure to loop me in so I can work directly with them to determine which gameplan will best to move forward with, based upon their recommendations and your goals. It is important for the marital agreement to include provisions outlining the steps to be taken if the house cannot be sold within a specified time or if one spouse fails to meet any financial obligations. Obviously there will be scenarios where it is advantageous for one party to try and delay or expedite the sale, and it is my priority to ensure that this process is carried out in a way that will cause as little friction as possible both for you and 20

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